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Friday, December 17 

Man of the house

Well I had an eye appointment today and while I was waiting there I began thinking about something that my dad told me the day he left our house for the last time a few years ago. He had told me those words that fathers always tell their sons in the movies when they're moving out. I was in second grade and 8 years old or about to turn 8. For years I've thought it was the day after my birthday but in recent years I've come to think that it might have been within three weeks of my birthday. That day that he packed up for the last time. I remember being outside riding my bike around the driveway and there still being a bit of scattered snow around the backyard. When I saw him taking out the tool box I thought to myself yup he's really leaving. (Few years later when I lived in Strugis a friend of mine joke around when we saw that his step dad had left the house and that he too had also taken his tools that we knew that he was really staying away.) Right before he left I asked him were he was going, he told me my aunts and not tell anyone and not tell anyone until he said so. I still remember my mom asking me if he told me where he went and me telling her that I wasn't supposed to say. She simply said "okay." Then he told me those words. That I was almost afraid to hear. He said, "... you're the man of the house now, make sure you take care of your mother and your sister for me." I don't recall saying anything back but I imagine I did. I do know that I wasn't crying. I never did cry about anything dealing with my parents divorce. Today when I thought about those words I've come to realize that he's right. I am the man of the house. But not in the sense that I can actually take care of my family. More of by process of elimanation do I now see myself as the man of my house.